


confidence

by aw_sugar



Category: No Fandom
Genre: First work - Freeform, How do I tag?, One Shot, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, POV First Person, Self Confidence, Self-Reflection, Vent Writing, none gendered character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:35:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22693390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aw_sugar/pseuds/aw_sugar
Summary: As your confidence grows, so does the distance from your reflection





	confidence

I've spent hours in front of a mirror, memorizing myself - finding things i like in myself and building up confidence in a world that works on your lack of it. 

the hours, the days, the weeks i've spent in front of the reflective glass has all been the same. i move, the reflection moves - until it doesn't. my confidence grows, but so does the buffering. i blink, a second passes, the mirror blinks. small changes - hard to notice if you don't pay attention. but as my confidence grew, so did the gap between me and my reflection. Sometimes the background would be different, or our breathing out of sync, late reactions. It all piled up, a thousand of a second each time - but it all ended in so much more

i sit here, face pressed to the glass, i move back slowly. i'm a metre away from the glass but my reflection is still pressed up against the glass - blinking at me. it keeps fogging up and then disappearing over and over - but i'm leaned back. i blink. the reflection is leaned back… did that happen? did i imagine it buffering? i'm confident in myself now - and the distance from myself and the mirror is getting bigger

i'm crushed, my confidence is low - lower than its been for the better part of a month. i woke up wrong, everything is empty. i walk past my reflection but something is wrong. its like its no longer buffering. I sit down in class, with my friends, my confidence grows again. my computer screen is black, i see my reflection. i blink, the reflection hesitates but blinks back,faster than normal. it's like taking a video on your phone buts its buffering so you see your movements after you've done them. am i okay? when did i eat last?

the days go on and on, i can't ask about my reflection with others - maybe their reflection buffers too? the speed varies on my self worth

its late, long day at school and then work running late. i sit in front of the mirror, repeating the speech for class tomorrow. i move and talk - making sure to perform my best, i know it is. i know i'm talented at public speaking. my reflection is silent. i finish my speech. the reflection stares. it blinks. it smiles at me. “good, i don't like the ending but good.” the voice is wrong. like it's playing backward - but i understand. i'm shocked. “w-what? i, i think it's a good ending. i repeat my point and i'm sure they get my message.” the reflection considers this. “your confident. you don't need me anymore” the mirror is empty. i can see my background but not the reflection. 

i now understand the loneliness vampires feel, when you stare into a reflective surface but your only friend doesn't stare back. if only i was a vampire - i would have an explanation to this

nerveless, i'm confident, i will survive this, maybe it'll come back one day - when i need it


End file.
